Adventures in Cupcakery: Anti-Valentines Day Cupcakes

Don't be fooled... I was once a doe-eyed youngster looking forward to that magical pink-rimmed day on the calendar that meant dinner-dates, flowers, (vegan) chocolates and most importantly, presents! I also was the indignant girl insisting Valentine's Day is meaningless... which it is... unless you're into it, then please enjoy it! More power to you. Now I am a real-live adult with a wonderful loving husband and a mortgage and a budget... and very little motivation to spend my hard-earned money for a holiday that usually falls in the middle of the week that really means nothing to me anyway. So now I don't really care. I have a sneaking suspicion that V-Day is the evil brainchild of a secret meeting between restaurants, wineries, greeting card companies, and florists designed to pressure people to spend money, and either feel pressured or bad about themselves. Oh and of course bakers were in on that too... which brings me to my next point. Aren't we all sick of red velvet Valentine's Day cupcakes? They're more overdone than the "That's what she said" joke. Doesn't anyone else want anything else for dessert on 2/14? Of course you do... lets hop off this soapbox and have some fun!

Anti-Valentine's Day Cupcake #1 - Who Needs Diamonds? Cosmos are a Girl's Best Friend Cupcakes

Don't even try to tell me you don't like Cosmos. A pretty pink drink served in a fancy glass that packs a punch? You say you don't like them and I say you're a liar... you know you want to sit around Sex and the City style - sipping away, gabbing with your gal pals, and looking totally fabulous. This drink screams girl power! Well, until about the 4th or 5th Cosmo... then you think you're looking fabulous but you're really a hot mess... who probably can't stand. So, ok - maybe you don't want that... but you want these! Orange cupcakes with a tart cranberry and vodka filling topped with a tangy lime frosting - delicious! Without that pesky feeling of wanting to die the next morning. And they beat a red heart-shaped box of chocolates from CVS any day of the year... including 2/14.

For the cupcakes:

2/3 cup soymilk

1 Tbsp apple cider vinegar

1/3 cup canola oil

3/4 cup sugar

1/4 cup orange juice

2 Tbsp vodka

1/2 tsp vanilla

1 and 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 Tbsp corn starch

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

2 tsp fresh orange zest

Preheat the oven to 350°. Line a 12-cup muffin tin with cupcake liners. Try to stay away from anything with hearts on it.
In a large bowl, whisk together the soy milk and vinegar until frothy. Set aside while you gather the rest of your ingredients. Add in the oil, sugar, orange juice, vodka, and vanilla and mix until well combined and the sugar is dissolved. Sift in the dry ingredients. Mix until just combined. Add the orange zest. Mix well until there are no lumps. Fill liners 3/4 of the way full. Bake for 18-20 minutes until the edges are golden brown. Let cool for 5 minutes then move to a cooling rack to cool completely before filling and frosting.

For the filling:

1 cup fresh or frozen cranberries

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup water

1 Tbsp corn starch + 1 Tbsp water

2-4 Tbsp vodka

I usually start with the filling first, and then work on it continuously as I do the rest of my cupcake baking. There's a lot of inactive time here. Combine cranberries, sugar and water in a small saucepan over medium heat. Stir to combine and dissolve the sugar. Bring to a slight boil, then reduce to a simmer and simmer until cranberries are soft and popped open 20-40 min. Once cranberries are soft, remove from heat and cool at least 10 minutes. Puree cranberry mixture in a blender or food processor. At this point, depending on how your puree comes out you can strain it through a fine mesh strainer to remove any large seeds or peel pieces. My puree came out nice so I did not bother with this. Return the cranberry puree to the saucepan and heat over med-low heat. Taste for sweetness - if you want this a little more sweet add agave syrup to taste and mix until well combined. In a small bowl, dissolve the corn starch in the 1 Tbsp of water. Add to the cranberry puree and stir frequently until the mixture is thickened. My thickened cranberry reminded me of a loose jam. Remove from heat and let cool. Now, add the vodka a Tbsp at a time tasting as you go (I know, this is the best part). Keep in mind who you'll be serving this to. Your old friend from college? Add the full 1/4 cup. Your grandma? Better stick with 1 Tbsp...unless Grandma knows how to party. I added 2 Tbsp and there was a definite vodka bite but it was not very strong. Allow the puree to cool at least 30 minutes before filling your cupcakes.

For the frosting:

3/4 cup shortening

2 and 1/2 cups powdered sugar, or more or less to taste

2 Tbsp fresh-squeezed lime juice

1-2 Tbsp fresh lime zest

Cream the shortening with a stand mixer or hand mixer. Sift in 2 cups of the sugar, 1 cup at a time. Then add the lime juice and mix until well combined and fluffy. Add the final 1/2 cup of sugar, or a little more or a little less, depending on the taste. Once the taste is where you want it and the frosting is fully mixed and fluffy, add the lime zest. I like to use a big rubber spatula to mix in the zest by hand b/c it usually gets stuck to my stand mixer whisk.

Now - lets assemble! Cut a whole in the center of each cupcake. You can do this the old-fashioned way (aka w/ a knife)... or I have a handy-dandy cupcake-center-remover-thingy so I use that. Then eat all the cake middles. You don't need them and they're delicious. If you want, you can keep the very top of the middles to put them back later if you want, but you won't be able to replace everything you removed. Fill a plastic sandwich bag or zip top bag with the cranberry-vodka puree. A zip top bag is easier for this - but I'm cheap... and they are expensive! (Plus, I feel like it makes more garbage.) Once filled, move all the puree to the corner of the bag and gently twist the top like you would a piping bag - just a little more delicately. Snip off the very end of the corner with a pair of scissors. Hold the bag up otherwise your puree will spill out all over the place. (I use this technique b/c I only have one piping bag and I don't want to wash it in between filling and frosting. If your kitchen is better equipped forget these instructions and proceed normally.) Using your Macgyver-style kitchen tool, fill each cupcake with a generous amount of the filling, careful not to let it overflow too much. When you're done, squeeze the rest of the filling right into your mouth... its cool, nobody's looking. I know you'll be wishing you had used 1/2 cup of vodka, but try not to dwell on it. Fit a piping bag with whatever you think will make your frosting look pretty and fill. Pipe the lime frosting onto each cupcake, working from the outside in so you don't smear the cranberry filling and frosting together. Unless you want to do that - then don't let me stop you. Done! Step back and admire your handiwork.

First of all - these cupcakes are amazeballs and will def make you go, February what? What day is it? Who cares? And not b/c you are drunk off the vodka. But, I think they really benefit from sitting for at least a few hours or in the fridge overnight to let all the flavors relax and get to know eachother. Each bite is a yummy symphony for your taste buds of sweet orange, sweet-tart cranberry and tangy lime w/ an awesome vodka aftertaste. Cheers! Tell Samantha and Carrie I say hi.